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Title : Missed opportunity
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Missed opportunity

 I copy here a comment from Hilde, which came in yesterday. It's worthy of a post of it's own. The last sentence struck a chord. 

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We have a proverb that says "When a cat has kittens in a stable it doesn´t make them horses". A lot of immigrants say they are proud of their roots and want to give their traditions on to their children. And these tradition often clashes with the way of life in Europe. There is so much talk about integration. In my opinion, You don´t get integrated, you have to integrate yourself.
Hilde in Germany

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My mother came to the UK after the war. She met my English dad in Hamburg, he was a soldier in the army. I remember spending hours with her in the kitchen as she got on with the household chores. She taught me some German words, which I learnt parrot fashion. 

Much later on, when I eventually met my German brother, he was able to fill me in with what he remembers about his mother. When he eventually found us, letters started going backwards and forwards between mother and son, written in German. 

When I eventually got to meet my brother, after our mother had passed away, he was able to fill me in with what he remembered about his younger years, and how he kept in touch with his mother much later on through letters. It filled in the missing pieces of the jigsaw for me. Ingo learnt English at school. I never fully learnt German. 

So, my mother came to the UK not knowing hardly any English. I was always amused by her German accent. Father had learnt some German while stationed in Hamburg, so they were able to communicate. 

I so wished that mother had spoken to us three kids, in German, in the house. We could have grown up bi lingual. I often wondered why she did not see this opportunity. 

I know that there is not a lot of difference between an English life and a German life, but after the war my mother was forcibly made to integrate with her new English family. Life must have been pretty hard for her. 

I also found out from my brother, that my father told her she is in England now, and she has to speak English. Basically asking her to ignore her German roots. 

My point being as Hilde says, 'you have to integrate yourselves'. Mother had no choice. She was penniless with nowhere to live. I will be eternally grateful to her for making the effort and sticking it out. 

Integration is not a God given right. Anyone coming here has a choice. They either embrace the new life, or they bring animosity and resentment with them. Without proper immigration procedures in place we have no idea how their lives will pan out. 

Thank you Hilde. Have a good day. Toodle pip.   ilona

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